The below lines are "the idea of a perfect first date" of a friend's orkut profile:
"two shall b born,d whole world wide apart..n speak in different tongues, follow different customs, n take no thought of each of other's being,n no heed.... n these over unknown seas,to unknown lands,shall cross..escaping wreck,defying death,..n all unconsciously shape every act,n bend each wandering step,unto this end,that one day out of darkness,they shall meet,n read life's meaning...in each other's eyes..."
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Saturday, December 01, 2007
When love and hate collide
I am listening to this song today - over and over again. My friend K was listening to it during our chat this morning. Something about the lyrics and the way it is sung - it has just been having a soothing effect on me.
Lately, I've been out of sorts with the world. Homesickness can be a major reason, but it wasn't all. I have been making my life a bit complicated. I want to go ahead with my further studies and suddenly it didn't seem so possible. Added to that was the fact that some more of my friends have got engaged / married and honestly speaking, I miss them a lot. A few days ago, I stumbled upon a guy's blog and was touched by something he wrote to his best friend who got married. On an impulse, I wrote to him to let him know that and he replied. His mail was so thoughtful and polite. Nice to know that such people still exist in this mad world. Plus, off late, my mom (with my dad listening in anxiously) and sis have begun their not-so-subtle campaign to get me to agree to an arranged marriage - so that they can start with the famous "search". Sigh...
So, I turned to the most reliable thing to lift my spirits - the chocolate therapy (Last weekend, it was the shopping therapy and I blew a mini-fortune before I felt any better). I have had about 250 grams of chocolate today and frankly, I feel sick. Although, as long as I can feel something other than sad and morose, it's good.
... Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide...
Lately, I've been out of sorts with the world. Homesickness can be a major reason, but it wasn't all. I have been making my life a bit complicated. I want to go ahead with my further studies and suddenly it didn't seem so possible. Added to that was the fact that some more of my friends have got engaged / married and honestly speaking, I miss them a lot. A few days ago, I stumbled upon a guy's blog and was touched by something he wrote to his best friend who got married. On an impulse, I wrote to him to let him know that and he replied. His mail was so thoughtful and polite. Nice to know that such people still exist in this mad world. Plus, off late, my mom (with my dad listening in anxiously) and sis have begun their not-so-subtle campaign to get me to agree to an arranged marriage - so that they can start with the famous "search". Sigh...
So, I turned to the most reliable thing to lift my spirits - the chocolate therapy (Last weekend, it was the shopping therapy and I blew a mini-fortune before I felt any better). I have had about 250 grams of chocolate today and frankly, I feel sick. Although, as long as I can feel something other than sad and morose, it's good.
... Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Becoming Jane
I saw the movie a few days ago. Even though the combination of the Victorian era and a love story transported me into my magical and romantic land, I was left feeling sad and hollow after the movie. Jane Austen wrote few of the best romantic stories of our times. Most girls and some boys have grown up with dreams of "the ideal one", who quite coincidentally resembles one of her characters. And she, herself, died a spinster. One line struck me as quite poignant: "My characters will have all what they desire".
I'm not so sure about the Mr. Lefroy angle and wonder if she had fallen in love with one of her characters and being an idealist, did not want to compromise with the reality of life... Did she feel the emptiness, loneliness and despair which she fleetingly touches in almost every story through one of the characters who is an "old maid"? Did she regret her decision to not marry without affection?
I imagine that this movie was one of the things I needed to "grow up", to understand that happy endings are, sometimes, limited to fairy tales and books.
I'm not so sure about the Mr. Lefroy angle and wonder if she had fallen in love with one of her characters and being an idealist, did not want to compromise with the reality of life... Did she feel the emptiness, loneliness and despair which she fleetingly touches in almost every story through one of the characters who is an "old maid"? Did she regret her decision to not marry without affection?
I imagine that this movie was one of the things I needed to "grow up", to understand that happy endings are, sometimes, limited to fairy tales and books.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The simple things of life
She needed a coffee. It was 10:30 pm and she'd been at work for sixteen long hours already. Ami, her daughter, would be sixteen this fall. She must find something to make her sweet-sixteenth special. Funny, she thought, the way thoughts fly into a tangent. She could feel her muscles protesting as she stretched herself before standing. As she made her way to the coffee-machine (a life-saver, in times like these), she could see that most of the team had left for the day. The few people remaining at work were there not because of the passion they felt for their work, but since they would have to answer their bosses tomorrow. A grim smile etched onto her tired face. She was different from them. As the tablet vanished into the machine, her thoughts flew to her life 5-10 years ago...
Life had a familiar and reassuring routine, then. She had her hands full with her growing kids, a perpetually busy husband and a home. She had long since found her happiness in seeing the people she loved grow and prosper. She knew she was the backbone of the family, though often the credit wasn't given to her so eloquently. She was happy, then. She was as sure of it as she was of the heat of the coffee finding it's way into her numb senses. And then, things changed. She couldn't put her finger on the exact moment when she realised that there was no zing in her life anymore. It had started with little things. Amit had pleaded fatigue on their anniversary to sleep early, and now their anniversary came and went without anyone realising it. Rohan and Ami had announced that they could do their homework without her help. Her only fault was that she allowed them to take her for granted, she thought bitterly. As was usual, when she thought of what could have been, her eyes became moist.
Sitting back at her flickering monitor, she shrugged subconsciously. She still remembered the uncomprehending shock when she announced she joined the firm she used to work for before. With dry amusement, she remembered the first few days when her family had to get used to her not being there - the laundry, the house-help, .... Every little thing she'd taken care of and no one noticed - now, tasks were being assigned to smouldering eyes and short tempers. It had happened slowly, but they all soon fell into another kind of routine. Her shrink said her family tried to push her away with vehemence because they thought she had done the same to them when she chose to work again. That was one way of looking at things, she thought drily.
As she immersed herself into her work again, memories came unbidden to the forefront. She thought of the time she was in a meeting when she received a message that Rohan had received an injury during a football match. She had practically flown to him. The relief in his eyes when he awoke from anaesthesia and saw her by his bedside, though he'd always been Daddy's boy... Ami - sweet and rebellious Ami - she had confided in her mum about her first crush. A tender smile played on her lips as she remembered all the boys in Ami's life since that time. Ami always looked to her for an opinion, she realised. With growing wonder, she remembered Ami's friends also approaching her with awkward questions they should've asked their moms. She frowned, puzzled, as her hand hovered over the keyboard. She was proud of her children, as any mom would be. And now, she was at the brink of the realisation that they were proud of her too. All the books on parenting didn't see this one coming! It made her speechless, choked up and bubbling with joy, at the same time.
As she picked up her purse and keys to go home, as was her habit, she turned to look if she'd left something on the table. The neon hands of the clock coincided on the number 12 just as her phone rang. It was Amit. Hoping that he wouldn't start on her case (she REALLY was tired), she received his call. "Where are you??" "Uh... I'm on my way." "Where exactly?? Do you know what time it is??" Damn! Damn! Where were the car keys? "Yes... You can sleep, you know. I have the extra key, I got from the locksmith, today. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Sorry! It got late today!" "Are you kidding me?? Look around! I'm parked right behind your car. Couldn't have you driving on these roads bleary-eyed with sleep..." There he was, indeed. Amit in his Bugs-Bunny PJs and his windswept salt-and-pepper hair. As he kissed her lightly on the forehead, ushering her into the passenger seat, she realised the magic of his touch was never lost on her - even after all these years. All the fights and tears over things as silly as a forgotten anniversary would be instantly forgotten when they "kissed and made up" - as their friends termed it.
As she snuggled into his shoulder on the way home, she thought of all the things her family had done for her. They gave up on conventionalism to be with her, to keep pace with her, to let her achieve her desires and dreams. Surely, she could do the same for them. Grand gestures do make grand moments in life. But it is the little gestures that make life worthwhile. And today, this simple truth was crystal clear.
Life had a familiar and reassuring routine, then. She had her hands full with her growing kids, a perpetually busy husband and a home. She had long since found her happiness in seeing the people she loved grow and prosper. She knew she was the backbone of the family, though often the credit wasn't given to her so eloquently. She was happy, then. She was as sure of it as she was of the heat of the coffee finding it's way into her numb senses. And then, things changed. She couldn't put her finger on the exact moment when she realised that there was no zing in her life anymore. It had started with little things. Amit had pleaded fatigue on their anniversary to sleep early, and now their anniversary came and went without anyone realising it. Rohan and Ami had announced that they could do their homework without her help. Her only fault was that she allowed them to take her for granted, she thought bitterly. As was usual, when she thought of what could have been, her eyes became moist.
Sitting back at her flickering monitor, she shrugged subconsciously. She still remembered the uncomprehending shock when she announced she joined the firm she used to work for before. With dry amusement, she remembered the first few days when her family had to get used to her not being there - the laundry, the house-help, .... Every little thing she'd taken care of and no one noticed - now, tasks were being assigned to smouldering eyes and short tempers. It had happened slowly, but they all soon fell into another kind of routine. Her shrink said her family tried to push her away with vehemence because they thought she had done the same to them when she chose to work again. That was one way of looking at things, she thought drily.
As she immersed herself into her work again, memories came unbidden to the forefront. She thought of the time she was in a meeting when she received a message that Rohan had received an injury during a football match. She had practically flown to him. The relief in his eyes when he awoke from anaesthesia and saw her by his bedside, though he'd always been Daddy's boy... Ami - sweet and rebellious Ami - she had confided in her mum about her first crush. A tender smile played on her lips as she remembered all the boys in Ami's life since that time. Ami always looked to her for an opinion, she realised. With growing wonder, she remembered Ami's friends also approaching her with awkward questions they should've asked their moms. She frowned, puzzled, as her hand hovered over the keyboard. She was proud of her children, as any mom would be. And now, she was at the brink of the realisation that they were proud of her too. All the books on parenting didn't see this one coming! It made her speechless, choked up and bubbling with joy, at the same time.
As she picked up her purse and keys to go home, as was her habit, she turned to look if she'd left something on the table. The neon hands of the clock coincided on the number 12 just as her phone rang. It was Amit. Hoping that he wouldn't start on her case (she REALLY was tired), she received his call. "Where are you??" "Uh... I'm on my way." "Where exactly?? Do you know what time it is??" Damn! Damn! Where were the car keys? "Yes... You can sleep, you know. I have the extra key, I got from the locksmith, today. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Sorry! It got late today!" "Are you kidding me?? Look around! I'm parked right behind your car. Couldn't have you driving on these roads bleary-eyed with sleep..." There he was, indeed. Amit in his Bugs-Bunny PJs and his windswept salt-and-pepper hair. As he kissed her lightly on the forehead, ushering her into the passenger seat, she realised the magic of his touch was never lost on her - even after all these years. All the fights and tears over things as silly as a forgotten anniversary would be instantly forgotten when they "kissed and made up" - as their friends termed it.
As she snuggled into his shoulder on the way home, she thought of all the things her family had done for her. They gave up on conventionalism to be with her, to keep pace with her, to let her achieve her desires and dreams. Surely, she could do the same for them. Grand gestures do make grand moments in life. But it is the little gestures that make life worthwhile. And today, this simple truth was crystal clear.
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