Words Unsaid

Switching on the lights at home
Her thoughts wandered to them -
Her family - Whose love stayed with her as a strength
and infact everything from that love did stem.

She sighed and then remembered her friends.
Glancing at the time,
A small mischievous smile played on her lips.
Growing up, they were all her partners in crime.

Kicking off her shoes and throwing away the bag,
On the couch she sprawled.
Would he be thinking of her? Would he remember
The night when, for him, she was all dolled?

The day had been tiring and long.
As if to lighten the load, a lone tear was shed.
Outside, the shadows lengthened and night fell softly.
Inside, a million words were left unsaid.

Homing in!

This is the last part of my "pre-MBA experience", as it is called.

Stage 6: ISB
I must have begun considering ISB seriously only after exploring its website and reading up alumni opinions on it. By the end of June, ISB's PGPM had overtaken IIM-A's equivalent program in my opinion. IIM-A was still on my list though - "sentimental" reasons ;)

After working on IMD's essays, I had about 3 weeks to go for the Round-1 deadline for ISB... and I hadn't even started with my application! To add to my woes, most people I spoke to suggested that I give another attempt at GMAT because 690 was too low a score for an IT professional applying to ISB. They, of course, tried to put it as politely as they could. So I did just that with disastrous results. There I was - with my confidence in tatters and my desire to make it into ISB stronger. There was nothing to it but apply with the best I had in me. I wrote the essays within 2 weeks and by the time I got them reviewed and ensured that my recommendations were submitted by the concerned people, it was 9:30 pm of the day before the deadline. To keep the excitement in my life, the server collapsed and I couldn't submit my application until many anxious minutes later during which thoughts like "Is this a sign?", "Should I opt for submitting the application for Round-2?" and "Maybe another attempt at GMAT can turn favourable?" played havoc. Finally, I decided that I was ready to submit my application then. If one GMAT score mattered so much, maybe ISB wouldn't be all that it is hyped to be. So, as soon as the server came up, I hit the submit button, thus eliminating any chances of surrendering to self-doubt again.

The IMD interview happened a week later. After that, I began following the thread on the Pagalguy forum. Obviously, I couldn't read all the posts from the beginning (there were about 350 pages by then) but I followed the posts diligently from then on. The panic when the interview calls were being sent out was almost catching. But if you remember, my confidence levels were not too high and neither were my expectations. I was almost detached while reading the posts, almost sure that I may not get a call. Imagine my surprise when I got the interview call! All was not lost yet... I began preparing for the interview with renewed enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, my family started getting more excited about ISB than me. It was afterall the only school in India I was applying seriously to. An admit from here meant that I would be returning home. Anything else, to them, meant that I might never go back to India for good. So, while I was battling with the butterflies in my stomach, I had to appear nonchalant on the phone calls - "This isn't the only option, Mamma. I will be applying to other schools as well and you know that." And both of us knew why I said what I did.

By then, on the PG thread, people had posted their interview experiences. Some people had a completely unambiguous interview - the panel was impressed, the questions were in a direction decided by the applicant and finally, the closing remarks by the panel were very encouraging. Being an international applicant, my interview was among the last ones. There was something funny, though. I got scheduled twice - once on a Friday afternoon and then again on the following Monday morning. The second schedule was sent to me after I had confirmed my availability for the first. I remember calling the admission committee from work. A very harassed lady received my call and when I introduced myself as an R1 applicant, I could almost sense the icicles forming on the other end of the line. Heheh. I think this was a result of all the calls from anxious applicants who had not yet received their interview calls. However, as soon as I explained my predicament, I was tagged as someone with a "real" issue and the voice became quite friendly. The confusion was sorted and I was to call in at the specified number on Monday morning for my interview.

The interview itself was one which gave me no clue about my chances. As with other telephonic interviews, mine started with the panel introducing themselves and then I was given the word "bank" - a minute to think about it and a minute to speak on it. I tried thinking but after the first 2 associations, I went blank. I could feel my throat constricting in panic and I decided to start talking on it immediately instead of psyching myself into a dumb state. Luckily, I found a third association while speaking and told them I had nothing more to say when I finished. After this, the first question I was asked was - "We've seen your application and don't find any special reason to take you into ISB. Can you convince us otherwise?" - the "Why you" question. I think I tackled it well enough, inspite of certain statements to contest my assertions. After that, the interview took a conversation-like appearance. They were curious about my employer and the way I got recruited here, the business my employer is in, the competition, the project I am working on, etc. Another panelist came in with a hypothetical case and asked me the sales impact on a particular product due to a certain condition imposed. I made my assumptions and estimations out aloud and came to a remarkably high sales impact! :P The panelist was shocked and asked me if that could be possible - he gave me a real analogy to prove his point. I made an impulsive decision to stick with my number and gave my justification by infusing some humour into it. They seemed convinced because they dropped the cross-questioning after that and the atmosphere relaxed. The topic veered to the kind of books I read and which were the last 6 books I had read. After mentioning 4, I blanked out again. I thought for a few seconds and then confessed that I don't remember any more at the moment. Then we spoke about what I do for recreation here and the fact that I speak a little French came up. My! Were they surprised! That caught me off-balance because I had mentioned it in my application and I didn't expect them not to know it already. So, we had a few minutes talk about exactly how much of the language I know and luckily, that is something that has many humourous accounts from my life. After a couple of questions from me, the interview ended. It lasted 25 minutes.

Then began the long wait for the results. I began looking up the other global schools I intended to apply to and started filling a couple of application forms. A week before the promised day of results, the PG thread started going ballistic - with random speculations that did nothing to calm the fluttering hearts reading the thread. I spent that week very listless at work. I looked like I had the worries of the whole world on my shoulder, didn't speak much to my colleagues and basically was a grouch. And then, finally, the results were published - and I started another interesting phase of my life. :)

... and the highway

This post is second in the series.

Stage 4: GMAT
I think I bought Kaplan in December 2007. Without really knowing about it, I had started off my preparation by buying the most difficult material. The "theory" and exercises in the book were alright enough, but the practice tests! - I used to go into a depression after attempting the practice tests! Only much later did I realise that I should not be taking the Kaplan scores as the Gospel truth about my preparation. My GMAT was scheduled in March, right before the Easter holidays. I scored a 660 in it (Q 48, V 33 - I think). I went to UK to visit my friends during Easter, which was a good thing. It helped me get over the disappointment of my score. My friends encouraged me to schedule the GMAT again since they were certain that I could do better than this. I came back from UK brimming with enthusiasm and determination - although I couldn't really get back to studying until much after that. Work became taxing and then, it was spring. :) I love spring. There are music festivals here and I went on so many roadtrips - it was awesome. Anyway, coming back to the serious stuff, my GMAT preparation never really took off again. I bought the OG 11, but looked through it very half-heartedly. Some time in July, I attempted GMAT again and scored slightly better at 690 (Q - 48, V - 35). Somewhere around this time, I ensured that I contacted and spoke to the people who I would approach for the recommendations. It was important that they knew about this and my ambitions in advance.

Stage 5: The IMD experience
Now that I had the requisite criteria to appear for a one-year program in India (ie I would be 27 by the time I start the program and I would have stayed abroad for 3 years), in my research for the right B-schools to apply to, IIM-A was a given. Honestly, at that time, ISB was something I was thinking of only because it was Indian and reputed. I had not really found out anything about it, the way I did for IMD, Lausanne.

Lausanne is only about 80 km away from Geneva. So, it was a matter of convenience for me to go on a campus visit to IMD in August 2008. We were about 8 visitors to the school that day. The campus is very unlike the campuses in India, in that it is smaller. The MBA program at IMD was just one of its programs - the bread and butter comes from their EMBA program and corporate programs. However, what impressed me was the synergy between the companies and the school. The infrastructure was not dazzling but it was sufficient. I liked the concept of the class size being kept constant at 90. Compared to this, INSEAD (France) seemed a little bigger - where the potential of being lost in the crowd is higher. I came back from the campus visit highly impressed. But I knew that it would be a marketing strategy ;) and so I approached a person working in my company who is an alumnus of IMD. I'll call him T.

T was very helpful. First, he tried to see if IMD and I "fit" together. He explained to me how important this "fit" is. You have to be an advantage to the school, the way the school will be an advantage to you. Don't apply to a school in desperation or just because an MBA from anywhere will do. Find out exactly what are the principles driving the school. Look at the previous performance of the school - which industry favours it, where are the alumni based, what was the placement record, was your "dream job" offered regularly in the past. When I started with the application form of IMD, I contacted him again - "Would he please read my essays and give me some feedback?". The IMD essays were traumatic. I had to write 13 essays! Of course they had character limit and of course they asked you everything about your life! When T reviewed them, he was brutal. For some of them, he laughed at me outright! (Hmph! I still can't decide whether to find him obnoxiously conceited or graciously helpful!) Apart from him, I asked a few of my friends to review the essays, too. Finally, after all the feedback, I edited my essays and managed to submit my application right before the last deadline - September 1st 2008.

Two weeks later, I was invited for the interview. Now, interview at IMD is a slightly different affair - it is a day-long affair, to be exact. I was sent a case by mail when I confirmed that I would be available for the interview. When I showed up at IMD, there were probably another 7 people there - each from different walks of life. One was a marketing manager from Russia while another was a programmer from Brazil. If I had to give marks for diversity of the candidate pool, IMD would have scored big time. Anyway, we were taken to a room. Two of us were escorted for our interviews, while the remaining were given a sheet with mini-cases. We had to choose the one we liked and make a presentation on it. We were given the markers and transperancies. They gave us half an hour to do that. After this, I had 15 minutes of break followed by the "long" interview. It was taken by one of the admission committee seniors. This interview was mainly probing. In a very subtle way, they wanted to know the usual questions - why MBA, why IMD, why now. Apart from these questions, they wanted to know my background, how did I come to be here (in Switzerland), what's my work like. Now that I think about it, I think I fumbled many times during this interview. I took it too casually.

The interview was followed by another "short" one where I remember being asked if I had enough funds to make the first payment if I was offered a seat. This interview was supposed to inform the candidate about the living costs here, etc. Since, I already had an idea about that, the session didn't take too long for me. After this, we all had a lunch break, where each of us was "hosted" by a current student. We could ask them a lot of questions about the curriculum, the placements, the Discovery expeditions, etc. My host and I got talking and we forgot about the time - I had to gulp my dessert down and run for the next session of the interview day - which was the case study part.

First, each of us got the chance to present our mini-case. We had discussions after each presentation. Then we were told to agree on one mini-case and present it as a group. Having done that, after the usual round of questions, we took a break. This was finally followed by the main case study. We had a faculty member presiding over the discussion - a very humble and humourous man, but very very good at what he does. His task was to get all of us on one page about the case. Then, we were divided into two groups, told to bundle off and discuss our "solution" and then come back and present it. Finally, it was over. The director of the program came by to have a few words with us. IMD had just been ranked #1 by the Economist and they were justly proud.

When I finally left IMD, it was 5 pm. The day had begun at 8 am and there wasn't an instant where we were allowed to relax. As I drove back to my friend's place for the weekend, I thought that given the kind of experience and backgrounds of the other candidates and current students, IMD was probably not the right "fit" for me.

The Road Less Travelled

or something like that :)

This post is the first part of a summary of all my relevant experiences until now - related to my quest for an MBA.

Stage 1: The vague idea
It was probably during the last years of my engineering program when I decided that I could, in fact, enjoy management more than the technical equation of life. This realisation dawned upon me partly due to the various committees I was involved in during fests and partly due to the slight lack of inspiration towards the curriculum. Dutifully, I attempted my CAT in 2002, ending up with a decent enough score for the first attempt. However, I lost out on DI and was assured of no call-backs that year. I realised almost at the same time that without some work experience, the program would not really make much sense. So, I went ahead with my first job, putting the idea of an MBA at the back of my mind. I promised myself that 2 years from then, I would do a revaluation of the whole idea and its relevance in my life at that time.

Stage 2: A certainty
Fast forward to 2 years later. I was working and was, at that time, pretty happy with the job and its challenges. However, as promised, I paused to rethink. Now, more than ever, I knew that I would not be doing something technical at 30. I wanted to move to the management side of the industry. I had 2 options - work hard and patiently wait for recognitions which might aid the transition (notice the various factors at play in this option) or invest in the master's to be on the fasttrack towards what I wanted. A lot of discussions and thought into the matter convinced me to opt for the latter option. I prepared for CAT this time and applied only to the IIMs. It wasn't that I was overconfident and obstinate about it. :) Yet again, I was practical enough to realise that I was not really ready. CAT 2004 was a dry-run - something to help me judge myself. I needed to know how much more was required from me. This time, the verbal section held me up. So, now, after the results were declared, I knew I had to work on both, the quant and the verbal. I spent the next few months with quite a busy schedule - work taking almost 14 hours a day and studying in the weekends.

I took a month off before CAT 2005 - I just didn't want anything to disturb me during that time. And as is usual in such cases, just about everything did! :) There was a medical complication in the immediate family and I finally received an opportunity to go on-site (the famous "on-site" for the IT crowd) for long term within that one month. I refused the opportunity after a lot of deliberation - it just didn't seem worth it. My boss was not really expecting that response and I almost received a veiled threat that I would not be considered for any more of such "opportunities" since I refused this one. "Too bad", I thought. "Time to look for another job after CAT". A week before D-day, however, he called me again - this time with another "opportunity". The "on-site" this time was at the client HQ, to do the kind of work that I always wanted to do. You don't know how confusing it all became. I really really really wanted this experience, but the time was right for an MBA. I was prepared for CAT. I had applied to the institutes I wanted to apply to and I was confident. Then again, I just distanced myself from the immediate situation and thought ahead. I decided that the experience was worth postponing my MBA dream for a while. "Soon", I promised myself. I went ahead with CAT 2005 however and thought I had the most difficult test in the world! I was sure that I didn't perform well and secretly was glad that I had another viable option in my life at that time. I left for Switzerland as 2006 began and about a month later received the much-awaited calls. Sigh! There I was again - torn between a professional commitment and a personal dream. There was nothing to do but let one pass - I continued working on my assignment.

Stage 3: Disillusionment and desperation
15 months into the assignment and life was slowly getting all too predictable. As I saw it, the fact that I was at client location made it even tougher for recognitions to come my way. After all, wasn't I being rewarded enough by working there? The trade-off did not look all that tempting anymore. I was homesick and worked to the bone. It was time to do something drastic to get my life back on track. It was time to go home. I timed it so that I could get back to India, settle down and prepare for CAT 2007. This time I also thought about GMAT. I wanted to apply to ISB and the international B-schools as well. But life had other plans. Before I knew it, I was back in Switzerland with another job.

That winter I tried to explore options for a part-time MBA in Geneva and the surrounding region. I spoke to my manager about the possibility of my leaving earlier a few days of the week. I had spoken about my plans to do an MBA during my interviews with this company. So, I was confident about being supported by them. However, after sitting in at few of the classes, I was discouraged. The level of detail that I expected from the program was missing. The part-time program had not enough time to dedicate to each case - and of course, the pre-reads were relatively enormous! What now?? It had to be a full-time program for me. So, I was back at my books and began researching.