Gaaaaah!

10 massive rants as this point of time - each worth a blog of its own:
1. Why the fuss over the wedding of two average actors?
2. The time taken to travel within Bangalore has not changed - neither has noise pollution.
3. Just because I am leaving the company does not mean that I impart knowledge to half of the unit.
4. Managers continue to play games. Seeing them, my resolve to do an MBA wavers - I don't want to end up being like them.
5. Why isn't all the time spent with family enough? As I lie in bed, before falling asleep, I remember all those things I forgot to mention to them.
6. Why did God make lizards like He did? (I know this is silly, but I can't help it.)
7. It is amazing how priorities shift and the justifications that come along are worth every cent.
8. A conscience is the heaviest load to carry.
9. Why do I take huge risks? And when I do, why do I worry so much after that, till the results are in?
10. Politicians can always manage to string along the voters, and the voters never learn.

Au Revoir! Merci!

Six more days to go - and I am curiously blank. Well, I confess I do feel relief for having packed my luggage to cargo home, get it down two floors (guess when the lift has to be repaired?) and to the post office. But nothing more than that. In case you're wondering what this all is about - I am leaving from Switzerland by next Friday (for now, that's all I can say).

Surely I will miss this place, this life - who won't? But there's nothing dramatic like when people rant and rave about leaving an onsite assignment to go back when they don't want to. I think I want to go back because that's the only place I feel I belong to. It's home - however insane and mad life can get there!

There are Indians who wanna stay away because of the money or because they are used to this life now. But the sad truth is that how much ever they convince themselves, they do not fit in completely into this society. They'll always be the foreigners here or the "immigrants". You can be as good as the next guy, professionally; and absorb their culture effortlessly - but I wish I could say more about how understanding they are towards us and our culture. India will always be a third-world country for them, where snake charmers and elephants are as commonplace as offshore development centres. One of them was also accounting to me the rodent problem he's heard his friend say exists in one of the offices offshore. Guess what? Two weeks back, there was a whole section of news devoted to rodent trouble in London. Ha!! And the fuss they create about Indian food!! Goodness gracious! The less said, the better!

Yes - I am glad to be going back. Period! :)

On the brink of a new year

I have a poster I'd bought off the streets of Vijayanagar. It's called A Prayer and shows a pair of hands joined in the age-old symbol of obeisance. Every time I read the text, my restless mind is calmed. Today, on the eve of a new year, I'll share this prayer with you, dear Reader.

Let me do my Work each Day and if the darkened Hours of Despair overcome Me,

may I not forget the Strength that comforted Me in the Desolation of other Times

I came to Switzerland on work in the beginning of 2006. As the novelty of the new workplace and environment wore off, I realised the true sense of the word - homesick. With no close friends here, more often than not, I found myself strolling by the lake-side thinking about how not-so-perfect things were back home and how infitely I preferred the comfort and familiarity to this change. In the beginning, the more homesick I got, the more difficult it was for me to give it my best at work. This paragraph seemed so apt when I read it at the time.

May I still remember the bright Hours that found Me

walking over the silent Hills of my childhood

or dreaming on the Margin of the quiet River,

when a Light glowed within Me, and I promised my early God

to have courage amid the Tempests of the changing Years.

With no outward distractions, I began to find peace within myself - again. I re-discovered my state of mind before it got cluttered with all the stuff that was either painful or unnecessary. In retrospect, all that stuff was the side-effect of "growing up" which I could do without.

Spare me from Bitterness

and from the sharp Passions of unguarded Moments.

May I not forget that Poverty and Riches are of the Spirit.

As a normal human being, I too have my moments when I positively become an ogre. Impatience coupled with a volatile temper have been known to make me behave in a way I've regretted later. In 2006, I learnt to master my mind. Even when I've been tempted to lash out, I've held my peace. Of course, at some times, I did give in and had to seek forgiveness from those hapless people, who happened to be at the receiving end. I am still a student of life and I hope to overcome my faults soon.

Though the World knew me not, may my Thoughts and Actions be such

as shall keep me friendly with Myself.

The past year can be likened to a van-vaas of sorts. In keeping with my history, I haven't exactly made an effort to stay in touch with my friends and colleagues. Happily, hidden away from life as I knew it, I continued to discover more of myself and the people around me. I learnt that upbringing and values die hard. I learnt that respect and politeness go a long way.

Lift my eyes from the Earth, and let me not forget the Uses of the Stars.

Towards the latter half of the year, I broke free from inhibitions and set a quite high ambition for myself. I challenged myself to the limit and I won against myself - against my laziness, inertia, sleep and the nagging self-doubt. I emerged through it all with a new sense of self and pride. Now I know that it is not just enough to aim to be the best. You also have to aim to be better than the best.

Forbid that I should judge Others, lest I condemn Myself.

Let me not follow the Clamour of the World, but walk calmly in my Path.

The past year, I saw how people get to make their dreams come true - by changing events and circumstances to their favour. I've also seen hypocrites and double standards. I've seen people behaving in a strange way just to keep appearances. I don't condone it and now, I've learnt to not be affected by it either. I know what I want and I know I can trust it to be given to me if I am deserving enough. I believe in a higher justice and I know that when I decide to achieve my dreams, the whole universe will conspire to help me and all I should do is to continue working towards my destination with honesty and integrity.

Give me a few Friends who will love me for what I am,

and keep ever burning before my vagrant Steps the kindly Light of Hope;

This is one aspect of life I'll always be grateful for. My friends (particularly one - who I call my guardian angel) and family have always believed in me, even when I didn't. When I have been in the dumps, I can rely on these few people to help me overcome my negativity and make me smile. My sister, mother and father have been my best friends - less of disciplinarians, they have been my friends who have stuck it out with me through thick and thin. This year, I have realised the true value of my family and friends and also realised that they are not only a part of my identity, they also complete me. I can understand myself better by understanding them.

And though Age and Infirmity overtake me, and I come not within sight

of the Castle of my Dreams, teach me still to be thankful for Life,

and for Time's olden Memories that are good and sweet;

and may the Evening's Twilight find me gentle still.

This is the reality check. At the end, even when things don't turn out the way I expected, and I am feeling crushed, this paragraph lifts me and gives me hope. After all, life is a cruel teacher. But it still gives us experiences that we wouldn't wish to trade, given the chance. If you think about it, every "bad" experience makes us more receptive and thankful for the next good thing to happen to us. A person's constant struggle is to remain human even after something horrible. That's the ultimate test and I wish I will pass it with flying colours.

Cheers to 2006! I can't wait to see what 2007 brings for me! :)

Here I am! This is me!

And thus it is finally over! Four months of non-continuous toil, sweat and blood (ok, not blood,but blood-rimmed eyes surely) - and I'll soon have that piece of paper in my hands. It will certify that I am indeed a Solution Consultant and SAP says so. :)

Before I go to bed, I have just another observation to make. It's not quite related to the purpose of this blog but it has been on my mind since yesterday. With the danger of sounding clichéd, I wonder why guys have to walk six feet ahead of the girl companion. If they are guests, why don't they offer to help in the kitchen instead of waiting to be served? The girl's not going to fall for them if they volunteer to cut an onion, for heaven's sake! Why do guys lose their manners (if they had any) as they grow older (than 22)? And why, oh why, do guys become silly and weird in the presence of a good looking lady? Well, it's official - I have lost all patience with guys (or "men" as they want to be called) and good luck to them!