The most romantic lines ever!

The below lines are "the idea of a perfect first date" of a friend's orkut profile:

"two shall b born,d whole world wide apart..n speak in different tongues, follow different customs, n take no thought of each of other's being,n no heed.... n these over unknown seas,to unknown lands,shall cross..escaping wreck,defying death,..n all unconsciously shape every act,n bend each wandering step,unto this end,that one day out of darkness,they shall meet,n read life's meaning...in each other's eyes..."

When love and hate collide

I am listening to this song today - over and over again. My friend K was listening to it during our chat this morning. Something about the lyrics and the way it is sung - it has just been having a soothing effect on me.

Lately, I've been out of sorts with the world. Homesickness can be a major reason, but it wasn't all. I have been making my life a bit complicated. I want to go ahead with my further studies and suddenly it didn't seem so possible. Added to that was the fact that some more of my friends have got engaged / married and honestly speaking, I miss them a lot. A few days ago, I stumbled upon a guy's blog and was touched by something he wrote to his best friend who got married. On an impulse, I wrote to him to let him know that and he replied. His mail was so thoughtful and polite. Nice to know that such people still exist in this mad world. Plus, off late, my mom (with my dad listening in anxiously) and sis have begun their not-so-subtle campaign to get me to agree to an arranged marriage - so that they can start with the famous "search". Sigh...

So, I turned to the most reliable thing to lift my spirits - the chocolate therapy (Last weekend, it was the shopping therapy and I blew a mini-fortune before I felt any better). I have had about 250 grams of chocolate today and frankly, I feel sick. Although, as long as I can feel something other than sad and morose, it's good.

... Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide...

Becoming Jane

I saw the movie a few days ago. Even though the combination of the Victorian era and a love story transported me into my magical and romantic land, I was left feeling sad and hollow after the movie. Jane Austen wrote few of the best romantic stories of our times. Most girls and some boys have grown up with dreams of "the ideal one", who quite coincidentally resembles one of her characters. And she, herself, died a spinster. One line struck me as quite poignant: "My characters will have all what they desire".

I'm not so sure about the Mr. Lefroy angle and wonder if she had fallen in love with one of her characters and being an idealist, did not want to compromise with the reality of life... Did she feel the emptiness, loneliness and despair which she fleetingly touches in almost every story through one of the characters who is an "old maid"? Did she regret her decision to not marry without affection?

I imagine that this movie was one of the things I needed to "grow up", to understand that happy endings are, sometimes, limited to fairy tales and books.

The simple things of life

She needed a coffee. It was 10:30 pm and she'd been at work for sixteen long hours already. Ami, her daughter, would be sixteen this fall. She must find something to make her sweet-sixteenth special. Funny, she thought, the way thoughts fly into a tangent. She could feel her muscles protesting as she stretched herself before standing. As she made her way to the coffee-machine (a life-saver, in times like these), she could see that most of the team had left for the day. The few people remaining at work were there not because of the passion they felt for their work, but since they would have to answer their bosses tomorrow. A grim smile etched onto her tired face. She was different from them. As the tablet vanished into the machine, her thoughts flew to her life 5-10 years ago...

Life had a familiar and reassuring routine, then. She had her hands full with her growing kids, a perpetually busy husband and a home. She had long since found her happiness in seeing the people she loved grow and prosper. She knew she was the backbone of the family, though often the credit wasn't given to her so eloquently. She was happy, then. She was as sure of it as she was of the heat of the coffee finding it's way into her numb senses. And then, things changed. She couldn't put her finger on the exact moment when she realised that there was no zing in her life anymore. It had started with little things. Amit had pleaded fatigue on their anniversary to sleep early, and now their anniversary came and went without anyone realising it. Rohan and Ami had announced that they could do their homework without her help. Her only fault was that she allowed them to take her for granted, she thought bitterly. As was usual, when she thought of what could have been, her eyes became moist.

Sitting back at her flickering monitor, she shrugged subconsciously. She still remembered the uncomprehending shock when she announced she joined the firm she used to work for before. With dry amusement, she remembered the first few days when her family had to get used to her not being there - the laundry, the house-help, .... Every little thing she'd taken care of and no one noticed - now, tasks were being assigned to smouldering eyes and short tempers. It had happened slowly, but they all soon fell into another kind of routine. Her shrink said her family tried to push her away with vehemence because they thought she had done the same to them when she chose to work again. That was one way of looking at things, she thought drily.

As she immersed herself into her work again, memories came unbidden to the forefront. She thought of the time she was in a meeting when she received a message that Rohan had received an injury during a football match. She had practically flown to him. The relief in his eyes when he awoke from anaesthesia and saw her by his bedside, though he'd always been Daddy's boy... Ami - sweet and rebellious Ami - she had confided in her mum about her first crush. A tender smile played on her lips as she remembered all the boys in Ami's life since that time. Ami always looked to her for an opinion, she realised. With growing wonder, she remembered Ami's friends also approaching her with awkward questions they should've asked their moms. She frowned, puzzled, as her hand hovered over the keyboard. She was proud of her children, as any mom would be. And now, she was at the brink of the realisation that they were proud of her too. All the books on parenting didn't see this one coming! It made her speechless, choked up and bubbling with joy, at the same time.

As she picked up her purse and keys to go home, as was her habit, she turned to look if she'd left something on the table. The neon hands of the clock coincided on the number 12 just as her phone rang. It was Amit. Hoping that he wouldn't start on her case (she REALLY was tired), she received his call. "Where are you??" "Uh... I'm on my way." "Where exactly?? Do you know what time it is??" Damn! Damn! Where were the car keys? "Yes... You can sleep, you know. I have the extra key, I got from the locksmith, today. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Sorry! It got late today!" "Are you kidding me?? Look around! I'm parked right behind your car. Couldn't have you driving on these roads bleary-eyed with sleep..." There he was, indeed. Amit in his Bugs-Bunny PJs and his windswept salt-and-pepper hair. As he kissed her lightly on the forehead, ushering her into the passenger seat, she realised the magic of his touch was never lost on her - even after all these years. All the fights and tears over things as silly as a forgotten anniversary would be instantly forgotten when they "kissed and made up" - as their friends termed it.

As she snuggled into his shoulder on the way home, she thought of all the things her family had done for her. They gave up on conventionalism to be with her, to keep pace with her, to let her achieve her desires and dreams. Surely, she could do the same for them. Grand gestures do make grand moments in life. But it is the little gestures that make life worthwhile. And today, this simple truth was crystal clear.

Oops! She did it again!

I've been keeping up with the latest furore in India - the controversial affidavits filed by the government and the ASI, justifying the destruction of Ram Sethu by denying the historical proof of the existence of Ram. Those of you who know me, know that I am not a *very* religious person. Most claim to my religious knowledge is stemmed from a rather painful and unfortunate chapter of my life. I also, usually, stay clear of topics that evoke passions of a destructive kind. My approach to such quandaries is to wait until I can think clearly and objectively again, without letting my passion cloud my sensibility. However, I can not shrug off this base attempt by the "secular" government as trying to maintain my (for the lack of an appropriate word) neutrality towards all faiths.

If destroying the coral reefs and a world heritage site does not weigh much on the minds of the powers-that-are, how can they be blind to the fact that Ram Sethu or Adam's Bridge holds major religious connotations for atleast 3 major religions - Hinduism, Islam and Christianity? I know that many of the Indian Muslim and Christian community will not voice their indignation vociferously - trying to maintain their religious integrity by not raising the same arguments which might even benefit the Hindus (I am not being communal here - just stating the current scenario in a very confused India). However, I think it is high time for the public to realise that they should not, must not and can not let people (who don't understand their culture and history) strike a blow at their identity and get away with it. The Indian sub-continent has had more than it's fair share of such atrocities already. There is much truth in the oft-repeated adage - Unity in Diversity - though it is sad to say that 60 years after a hard-won Independence, the children of a great nation seem to have forgotten the basics.

As history repeats itself (as it is wont to do from time to time) and we have a nation crying foul over the ill-advised deed that the "mea culpa" government has done yet again, we also have a substantial number of people satisfied and pacified to see that their sentiments are shared by the one person they thought would never have understood them. After all, isn't she a European by birth and a Christian by religion? (Alright, alright! She's as Indian as an NRI is, say, American!). They fail to realise that she, who's adopted their country as we are told innumerable times, has understood them only too well. She knows exactly how an Indian mind ticks and she's smart enough to capitalise on it. By appearing to join the mass (forgive the pun) in condemning the government, she has almost succeeded in winning the good-will of the multitudes who will soon be deciding on the next premier of the nation. She knows that Indians (especially the Hindu majority) are a easily consolable crowd - they forgive easily and they are more than willing to consider you in a new light in presence of more recent happenings. She had most of the nation eating out of her hand after her "earth-shattering" decision after the previous elections. It appears to me that she has tried to re-create her magic yet again. Whether she has actually succeeded remains to be seen. Before you write me off as a Congress-hater, etc etc, please stop to think - Is it not stretching it too far to claim that the head of the Congress party, who vicariously runs the show at New Delhi, would have no prior knowledge of the affidavits that have something to do with one of the current government's major and controversial projects?? Also, the utter blasé nature of language used in the affidavits is highly suspicious. Surely, the "Yes, Ministers" harnessed to the tax-payers' burdens would be qualified enough to know exactly what should be written in a diplomatic manner to cause least offense - even if they believe it to be correct?

The passion of my countrymen are easily roused. We are a country of sentimental and emotional fools (Why do you think Bollywood is such a successful industry here?). Owing to this particular trait, we have had a history splattered with bloody wars, violence and now, in the more civilised age, demonstrations and riots. But as time has passed, Indians have acquired a remarkably short memory. I am not sure if it was required to forget the past difficulties and focus on the more immediate concern of survival of oneself and one's loved ones. I understand the competitive levels in India are very high, but the fact remains that now most of the Indian public ("the common man") has a memory span to compete with a goldfish. "Out of sight, out of mind". Even as I break my golden rule to write on this topic impulsively, I fear that it will remain in the headlines for just another few days. Then, there will be yet another distraction and the news channels will scramble all over each other to cover the latest "sensational" news, while off the Eastern coast of India, in a very unassuming location, the dredging will continue, slowly and surely, breaking off the ties that the Indian people have had with history/ mythology/ identity. Take your pick - it will amount to the same thing in the end.

First Impressions

Why is it that men - young and old - rush to declare their social status to me? And No! I don't look that desperate! Seriously! I just need to have a conversation with someone twice and I'll know all about it - whether they are married, whether their wife stays with them, how many children they have, etc. The puzzling thing is that I don't seek this information at all. I would be having a completely innocent, work-related conversation and in the pauses, these tidbits are thrown my way. Interestingly, the single men also have this annoying habit, even though they appear to forget to provide any information about their girlfriends or fiancée. Do the men think that it is their duty to warn a single colleague about her chances? :P It's as amusing as it is irritating!

Hmm... Work's begun and it is hectic. I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew. With work, french classes and gym (yes, a soon-to-be-reality), I think I am going to be kept on my toes in Geneva.

People, here, are often surprised that I speak such fluent English without a trace of an "Indian" accent(?). Hence, apart from the usual questions of "Are you Spanish or Mexican?" (I'll attribute that to my hair colour) and "Vous parlez Espanöl?", I am now getting used to "Have you ever stayed in UK? Probably studied there?" There is a genuine look of disbelief when I say that I did my complete schooling, etc in India. Inevitably, the next question is, "Is that school amongst the best?" :P I don't know how they'll react when they actually get to India and realise that there are many more like me. I guess I should thank NPS for whatever it gave me, but more credit goes to my sister who made me practise and corrected my usage of the language - and she was at it ALL the time! :)

It's time to go and forage in my fridge for some dinner. I'll leave you with a trivia: The shade of foundation best suited to my skin tone is called Caramel Toffee ;)

A little less conversation, a little more action

- I do solemnly declare that I shall blog more frequently henceforth -

Now that I have broken my silence, let me elaborate on my current life. This is strictly for those of you who keep checking on me regularly to see if I'm still alive!

I am in Geneva, working for a flavors and fragrances company - Firmenich. I had the induction session yesterday and I think I will like working here, for along with their success stories, they also mentioned their failures and lessons learnt. It takes courage for a corporation to say that to its new employees, and also shows the level of trust they have in us. I realise that I am not being chronologically correct, so let me start at the very beginning.

Once I realised that being at Nestlé wasn't doing much to my learning curve and growth path, I decided to go back to India - to some other project or job. This was around August 2006. My departure was agreed to be at the end of March 2007 and accordingly, I put my resumé out on all the usual portals. Just to see the job market in UK, I also put it up on Monster-UK. Along with the Indian offers, I was also called for European job openings. However, the fact that they would have to sponsor my work permit was a dampener for many companies - so much so that they didn't even proceed with the interviews.

And then, one fine day, about a month before my depature, I was contacted by a recruitment agent, R, who wanted to meet me about 2 openings, one each with competitors of same industry. The meeting had a funny incident associated with it. As you know, French is the first language in this part of Switzerland. R called me and fixed an appointment to meet at Lausanne on Thursday morning of the next week. I agreed and accordingly scheduled my meetings at office so that I was free on Thursday morning for the meeting with R. On Wednesday, I was rushing to get to office when I received a call from R, saying she was waiting for me at the agreed place!! For a moment, I was caught offguard. I thought I managed to commit a faux-pas by being tardy for the meeting which mattered. Hey! Wait a minute! It's Wednesday today! Now it was R's turn to be confused. Hehehe... Apparently, she mistook Thursday to mean Wednesday. Anyway, we met the next day and after listening to my experience, she told me frankly that the openings were for BW Dev experts and that my profile did not meet the requirement. Since I was not too keen to stay on away from home, this didn't hit me hard, though I requested her to convey to the clients that I was willing to be judged technically before being rejected based on my experience. We parted on good terms and I never expected anything positive to turn out from that meeting.

A week passed by before R mailed again - this time with an appointment arranged with one of the clients. I was asked to go to Geneva for the technical interview. On D-day, I jauntily set off, only to reach the wrong office (They have 3 offices in the area). During the hour long journey, I had worked myself into a bundle of nerves but all that was forgotten in the anxiety to reach the right place on time. I must have made an amusing sight - when I stumbled into the office, apologising profusely to O (one of the people who was going to interview me and who received me into the office). Thankfully, O turned out to be a very humourous guy and put me at ease within 5 minutes. As it turned out, the TL was off ill and joined us over the phone. And then the interview began. They asked me stuff and I replied honestly, knowing I had nothing to lose. When I didn't know something, I just said that plainly, without making a big fuss about it. I guess my confidence got through to them. After the interview, I went back to my life and the technicalities of packing my luggage to send home by cargo. With a week remaining for the take-off, I shot off a perfunctory mail to R, thanking her for her help and support and informing her that I would be leaving within a week. Did she receive any feedback concerning me, coz I would like to know areas where I can improve?

That mail set off a series of events. Apparently, the two guys were very impressed by my positive outlook and enthusiasm. They recognised that I didn't have much of a functional knowledge but that could be remedied by trainings. They had given a positive feedback to their HR, who, as HR is wont to do, sat on it for many days. When they realised that I would be leaving to India soon, they arranged another series of meetings - they called it "discussions". That was to take place 2 days before my take-off. So, I went trudging again. I thought it would get over in 2 hours and took permission to take off for 3-3.5 hours that afternoon. Little did I know that I was going to be there for the whole of the afternoon!

First, I had a "discussion" with the HR. During the middle of it, I realised that it was the "negotiation" that was going on. The day suddenly seemed very bright! :P After speaking to me for about 40 minutes, the lady said that the next person would meet me in another room in 20 minutes or so. Dutifully, I picked my bag up and went there. It was snowing on and off outside, and I spent my time standing at the window and looking out towards the Jura. Suddenly, I got called by a frantic Raj. He'd organised a farewell for me and didn't know why and where to I had disappeared. I was trying to calm him on the phone without revealing the purpose of my visit to Geneva, all the while finding the situation quite amusing. It was a pity that I couldn't make Raj see the humour...

While speaking to him, someone walked into the room. I gestured towards the phone and silently requested some time to finish the conversation. The person walked out with an understanding nod. I managed to end the conversation with Raj and walked towards the door. At the same time, the person peeped in to check if I was done. As he shook my hand and introduced himself as the VP of the project, I kicked myself a thousand times!! And Raj too!! Where there was some hope before, a cold certainty was taking hold. I wasn't gonna get this job, afterall. Strangely, I still didn't care. I think that was the best interview of my life!! I was spontanoeus, positive and confident - and looked undaunted by the fact that the VP of the project was taking my interview. You see? I was so certain that I wouldn't be selected. :) This guy seemed visibly impressed by my attitude towards the end of the interview!!

I had one other "discussion" which was not my very best - but by now, I hardly cared. I was then told to go home and another person, who couldn't find the time to meet me today, would call me the next day. I thanked O, who was showing me out and went back to Vevey. The next day, I received a call as promised but the person was only interested in knowing if I would stay on in the project, inspite of social pressures to get married and settle down! I assured him on that front and I was done! Oh yeah! One other thing I forgot to mention is that each of the person I met, made a big deal out of my age. According to them, I was too young to get this kind of experience. Lucky me, that they don't know the job scenario in India! :) In fact, the HR lady wasn't calculating one component of tax since she thought I was not yet 25! That really was the best compliment ever!!

Ok! So, I left from Switzerland soon after that. After being delayed by a stray snow-storm in March, I made it into the welcoming arms of my parents. I spent two weeks in Bhopal. Awesome! Then lots of things happened - I resigned, spent time at home with family. Dad got transferred back to Bangalore. Gran came to stay with us due to her ill health. She recovered. I got the offer from this company. It seemed like a good alternative, even though it meant leaving my parents again. Once again, my family proved itself as a champion by supporting me through this, and I found myself in Geneva again!

I've been here a month now. Work hasn't yet taken off and I've just shifted into my apartment. I'm taking french classes (Oui! C'est correct!) and some driving classes to get used to the rules here. I'm looking forward to this life. For the first time, I am in a new place, without any support structure in place. It is like making a new start in the literal sense and I promise to keep you posted. :)

Midnight Ramblings

Have you ever read any of the message boards at Rediff's? No matter what the topic of discussion, invariably it all boils down to religion (particularly the hindu-muslim rife) and/or anti-Rediff posts. It is really curious to follow the thread of discussion from the movie review of a seemingly-innocent Disney movie to a full-blown war-cry over the message board between self-confessed religious fanatics. Do NOT ask me the connection between the two, coz I am as perplexed as you are.

What's the fuss with getting your most flattering photograph taken? I am particularly shy when I have to stand in front of the lens, and I can not understand the people who simper and smile their best smile once they are in focus. Digital photography was a God-sent for such people. I personally know some guys (and I include dudettes, too) who actually delete snaps which are not-so-flattering and then pose again (yes - in the same place and the same pose) for another go at it. Sigh!!!

It is well past midnight in India and before I get certified as an insomniac, I should turn off the lights (Nelly Furtado is amazing!) and get some sleep. The following days are going to be busy because I start the whole rigamarole of relocation, yet again, tomorrow. The secret will be out soon. Patience, my dear Watson!

PS: I discovered a song of Asha and SP Bala called "Chain aap ko mila". It is unbelievable!!

Blogthing!

You Are a Good Girl

You are 70% Good and 30% Bad Generally speaking, you're a very good girl. (But you don't have us totally fooled!)

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Gaaaaah!

10 massive rants as this point of time - each worth a blog of its own:
1. Why the fuss over the wedding of two average actors?
2. The time taken to travel within Bangalore has not changed - neither has noise pollution.
3. Just because I am leaving the company does not mean that I impart knowledge to half of the unit.
4. Managers continue to play games. Seeing them, my resolve to do an MBA wavers - I don't want to end up being like them.
5. Why isn't all the time spent with family enough? As I lie in bed, before falling asleep, I remember all those things I forgot to mention to them.
6. Why did God make lizards like He did? (I know this is silly, but I can't help it.)
7. It is amazing how priorities shift and the justifications that come along are worth every cent.
8. A conscience is the heaviest load to carry.
9. Why do I take huge risks? And when I do, why do I worry so much after that, till the results are in?
10. Politicians can always manage to string along the voters, and the voters never learn.

Au Revoir! Merci!

Six more days to go - and I am curiously blank. Well, I confess I do feel relief for having packed my luggage to cargo home, get it down two floors (guess when the lift has to be repaired?) and to the post office. But nothing more than that. In case you're wondering what this all is about - I am leaving from Switzerland by next Friday (for now, that's all I can say).

Surely I will miss this place, this life - who won't? But there's nothing dramatic like when people rant and rave about leaving an onsite assignment to go back when they don't want to. I think I want to go back because that's the only place I feel I belong to. It's home - however insane and mad life can get there!

There are Indians who wanna stay away because of the money or because they are used to this life now. But the sad truth is that how much ever they convince themselves, they do not fit in completely into this society. They'll always be the foreigners here or the "immigrants". You can be as good as the next guy, professionally; and absorb their culture effortlessly - but I wish I could say more about how understanding they are towards us and our culture. India will always be a third-world country for them, where snake charmers and elephants are as commonplace as offshore development centres. One of them was also accounting to me the rodent problem he's heard his friend say exists in one of the offices offshore. Guess what? Two weeks back, there was a whole section of news devoted to rodent trouble in London. Ha!! And the fuss they create about Indian food!! Goodness gracious! The less said, the better!

Yes - I am glad to be going back. Period! :)