So what do you do...

... when you seem to be enjoying everything life is giving you, but that one thing you want so desperately is no where in sight?
... when people close to you are happy and you are happy for them, but you just want to shut yourself up in a room and never come out?
... when your innate sense to protect yourself makes you laugh on the outside, when you would rather just cry?
... when the fine line between solitude and loneliness fades ever so often?
... when a nice honest-to-God tantrum can probably set things right?
... when little failures seem huge and thoughts spin out of control?
... when you know that your troubles are not troubles at all, but the tears won't stop?
... when you sleep half the day away, and the only regret you have when you wake up is that you had to wake up?
... when you can't find words to express yourself and any attempt to do so only makes a mockery of you?
... when you know you are being petty and pathetic, but you can't find a way out of that vicious circle of thoughts?
... when you realise that no one can probably feel what you're feeling and you know that you are now old enough to figure it out by yourself... but can't?

Poetic thoughts during class hours

Going about her day,
Her life on track - a myriad of all shapes,
She thinks about the only missing piece
And a little sigh escapes.

Somewhere in the world, momentarily confused,
He pauses in his life.

And I screamed!

The people who know me, know me as a particularly non-squeamish person. I don't get scared (enough) watching a horror movie. I don't cry during movies (except for Taare Zameen Par or other similar stories with kids in it). However, it might come as a surprise to you all that after landing at ISB, I have throatily vented my emotions atleast thrice already - each time incited by a different kind of wildlife.
The first occasion was when I paid my respects to a lowly fat rat. Both rat and the security personnel walking behind me got the scare of their lives as they scampered to their own safe places, leaving me deserted and looking very foolish.
Then, it was when Chandni killed a common cockroach and was threatening to place the lifeless form on me. In fact, it was amusing to see how roles reversed in those few minutes. While the cockroach was alive, it and I were calm and composed, respecting each other's private space. Then, Chandni saw it and all hell broke loose. Chronologically, the cockroach then paid the ultimate sacrifice followed by Chandni's threats and my helpless screams.
The most recent time was this afternoon when I saw an ant-eater. We were returning from a conference and I was sitting in the front passenger's seat of the cab when I saw this huge iguana-like creature majestically strolling across the road. I mutely pointed at it and the driver, in a state of panic or sadism, turned the wheel towards it. When I realised the fate rushing towards the ant-eater, I screamed. Yet again. This time, I alarmed the driver and the other two passengers sitting behind. Anyway, long story shot - ant-eater ambled slowly to safety while the driver kept assuring me that the car wouldn't have harmed it anyway because it is a tough animal... This would probably be another take-away for me - the ability to express myself when faced with my fears ;)

One of the most interesting outcomes of working or living in a high-pressure situation is getting to observe people and behaviour at uncomfortably close quarters. There are some who get bogged down by the facade and withdraw into themselves, while some get more aggressive and offensive. And then there are those, who try hard at being what they are and barely managing to stay within the limits of sanity. Particularly amusing are the knee-jerk reactions to spam mails during exam times. Somehow, people manage to ignore the multitudes of mails hitting them throughout the term. And then, it is suddenly end of term and a hapless individual decides to send an otherwise-politically-incorrect joke to the whole student community and pays for it dearly, when a whole thread of mails is spawned with some people on either sides of the line. I am guessing that this focus of attention was rivalled only by the last term's debate of dunking vs swimming pool hygiene. (No - Don't ask!)
The author herself is not free of faults. :P My constant rants are now finding another creative outlet. A friend and I have launched a comic strip on campus which scores high on context and sarcasm. More on that, later. For now, I must begin to pretend to study. I have my end-terms on Monday. Au revoir!

Pause

Our life's too busy
With lots happening.
The pace promises
to never keep slackening.

Commitments to keep,
Loads to read.
And then aim to emulate
examples who lead.

Pop-quizzes and exams
with alarming regularity.
Meetings and sessions you attend
Hoping for some clarity.

Career, job options, dream jobs.
And then a nagging worry of the loan.
Jamming sessions, high on 'spirits'.
Followed by bright sunny mornings when you moan.

Words of wisdom passed along.
"Introspect", "Identify", "Do what you like".
A mad rush to do everything you can.
Anything - to get that "spike".

Forgotten the real reasons,
That essay written with conviction; that clause.
Struggling to keep up like Superman.
Ultimately losing out on the cause.

Pause.

Lots to write in...

I have my mid-terms right around the corner. So, it should come as no surprise at all that I am blogging now, of all times. ;)

Term 1 is half-way through and yesterday, we thanked and bade goodbye to two of our Professors - Prof Piyush Kumar (Marketing Management) and Prof Mudit Kapoor (Managerial Economics). Each of them had their respective fan following in class. While in marketing class, I benefited from the vast industrial knowledge of all participants, the way Micro-economics was dealt with was just awesome - with all jigsaw pieces falling into place by the time the lectures were done. There's just so much I am learning each day that if I were a cartoon, my head would have blown a bit out of proportion each day. This is true of all people around me, as well. Of course, on the downside, I not only get to hear all geeky jokes (centering around the new learning from Statistics, etc), but now I understand them as well! Oh, the pain! ;)

We had a Kodak case (mktg) to be discussed over the last weekend. Enough has been said about that "experience", already (if you are reading the other blogs from my class). I know of study groups spending a good part of the weekend tearing their hair out trying to figure out if the stated strategy was really worth a shot or not. I had stepped out on Sunday evening for a short walk and right outside my block, a disembodied voice floated down to me from one of the studio apartments - "So are you saying that the Kodak customers will not move away to competition???!!!" I hurried away to save myself (from unintentionally overhearing the line of argument of another group... what were YOU thinking?)

As for my group, welllll... :D We met twice, for a maximum of 2 hours each. The first time, we decided on a line of thought. The second time, we decided on another and stuck with it - just as well, that we didn't meet again! Submitting the case write-up was a close call. We submitted at 11:56 am for a 12 noon deadline! I know that I am an incorrigible procrastinator and had hoped to find encouraging study group mates to change this one thing about me, but going by the record, I am now beginning to worry. ;)

Last week, most of us had the CAS (Career Advancement Services) photo-shoot. Apart from requiring each of us to "suit up", it also showed how well a job people do cleaning up. Guys got their overdue hair-cuts and groomed themselves well - some were even unrecognizable after all the effort. Girls - they always look good. :D Most of our social networking sites have proud pictures of us strutting our stuff. :P Jokes apart, we all look very impressive.

Section G is waking up to the fact that none of us wants to run for GSB (Graduate Student Board) President, while some sections have 4-5 aspirants each. This, oddly, makes me quite fond of my section. :) Since the very beginning, we have had a bindaas (chilled-out) attitude about competition. I don't mean to say that we are not competitive (quite the opposite, in fact), but we would rather have fun without the tension to "perform" to create an impression. Of course, the attitude also means that it was not until recently that there were some murmurs about the section code of conduct. Things haven't been finalized on that front and hence, I won't be writing about it yet.

J (my Swiss friend mentioned in previous posts) came to visit me this week with a friend of his. He was going back to Geneva in a few days and since he was flying from Hyderabad, he came over to ISB to meet me. It was really nice speaking to him after so long. We spent most of the time reminiscing and then a lot of time talking about school. He tested my French and was pretty impressed that I remember most of it. I really hope I don't lose touch with that language by the time this year ends.

I will now get back to Micro-economics. I should finish a substantial part of the "portions" before I sleep - and I am yet to begin this subject.

Song of the day: Silent Lucidity by Queensryche

Time to reflect

First week of term 1 is almost over. And there are some words and phrases that I have encountered so many times already, I could scream if I heard them again. In decreasing order of irritants along with the common usage or comments, we have the following non-exhaustive list:
1. traction - "There was not enough traction between the 2 communities"
2. logistics - "We will have to work out the logistics", or "I propose we get into the logistics of it later"
3. it depends - This is the safest and most acceptable answer in a B-school. You can use it whenever you don't know the exact answer to the question being posed to you, or if you want to buy time to arrange a seemingly intelligent answer if you are caught the instant your mind had started wandering in class.
4. networking - A much abused innocent word. It also carries the onus of being THE reason for many people to be in a B-school. What many don't realise is that to network you don't really have to work too hard; you don't have to make fake conversation; you don't have to appear to be someone you are not; you don't have to create a record of sorts by remembering as many names as you can in as less a time as possible - you only have to be genuine. Your smile should say that you are indeed glad to see someone. You are a part of their joys / birthday dunkings / sufferings (hopefully not much of these) because you really want to share a part of their lives. Being polite, kind and nice to people around you will win you the much coveted "network" by itself.

Since the last time I wrote, the swimming pool and its various nocturnal inhabitants have witnessed many more dunkings - birthdays, CPs and the works. Let me explain CP for my readers who are from the normal world outside - it means Class Participation. Certain courses, in order to encourage CP, provide incentives like grades associated to it. Unfortunately, this translates to a lot of Arbit CP, Desperate CP and you get the picture. In the true spirit of fairness, we dunk the people charged with A-CP.

Just one more thought with respect to CP - One is not always right or wrong. Sometimes, people have a different perspective. It is just the way they are. Instead of listening to them patiently and opening our own minds to various possibilities, we tend to smirk or even ridicule them. To clarify my stand, I am not speaking in favour of A-CP (those guys deserve to be dunked) - I am just hoping that we, as a community, learn to appreciate a different perspective without appearing condescending or as insufferable know-it-alls. We have, after all, come here to "learn".

Moving on, with respect to birthday dunkings, I was wondering why normal friends and acquaintances (who are not study-group members or quaddies) do not include themselves in the ritual. It is not owned exclusively by a section, is it? Last night, I knew all the 3 guys being dunked by various sections on their birthdays. Rightfully, in an ideal world, I should have had my share of all 3 cakes! ;)

According to a behavioral survey conducted in a class last week, I am a strong "reflector". This information was thrown your way to justify the tangents I tend to go off into.

And before I leave to prepare for my Stats quiz tomorrow, I really have to record for posterity something that happened in class today. 5 minutes into the start of the session for Micro-Economics, while the professor was introducing a very important and significant model, our class was startled by a loud crash. Turned out that one of us had actually toppled over backwards from his chair! He claimed he was leaning too far back - exactly how comfortable was he trying to get? :P

Change is the law of life

That is my fortune of the day on Orkut. It never sounded more relevant. After having indulged myself by sleeping the whole weekend away, tomorrow is the change I have been looking forward to since quite some time.

After days of relocation and the perpetual feeling of "floating" around quite aimlessly; after investing time and effort in knowing people around me and observing social behaviour (my favourite occupation off-late); after desperately trying to get to terms with the changes in my life - tomorrow, term 1 begins.

The year planner is finally up. I got my backpack armed with the necessary odds and ends to survive this week (You can't plan for a time-line greater than that, here). I've set the alarm clock to wake me up early enough to go gymming in the morning. And now to settle down and read up some concepts of marketing...

Strawberry Fields Forever!

Last evening, a bunch of us from section G decided that we had had enough of staying within campus and explorers that we were, we had to go out to wine-n-dine. It was a jolly good enough thing to do, considering the options that most of us had. As if to set the tone for the evening, one of our "intro" conversations went like this:
One guy: My name is pretty unusual....
3-4 of us: No, it's not!

While we waited for the shuttle at SV4, there were some of us who decided to forego the enticing company for prior commitments to club meetings. When the bus finally arrived and we all filed in, there wasn't much place left for anyone else. The regular passengers had to share seats or stand until they reached their destinations, which they did with amused expressions, since our babble and enthusiasm was pretty infectious, if I say so myself.

Once at the place (Coco's in Jubilee Hills - the guy who plays music there is awesomely talented! The Beatles' song was the one that caught my attention at the very beginning), we all settled down to "network" wholeheartedly. The flowing drinks made a lot of it easier. You'll find snippets of conversations here - just enough to give you a good picture without people baying for my blood at the next dunking...

"Talent nite was awesome fun. I am zero at talent, I'm telling you."
"As far as animation movies go, "Incredibles" was incredible!"
"So who's single and ready to mingle?"
"Huh? What's the context??"
"Food in Mumbai is so awesome."
"I was chased by a wild elephant in an african national park."
"I have come here (ISB, that is... not to the restaurant) to impress my future mom-in-law."
"You order for me."
The "You" - a bit nervously: "I better get it right for him or he'll eat me."
"I can make Mojito!"
"So can I!"
"Let's have a Mojito party at our rooms some day!"
"You would give Ghajini a run for his money!" (This was in reference to short term memory, and not the terrific body. I know, this is not an ideal world yet).

It was one instance of losing track of time with good company. However, we had to make way for another group of equally vella people from our school who came in later. Besides, we also had a couple of birthday dunkings planned at midnight. As they say, we had to prioritise! Towards the end, while we were waiting in a (what-else-could-it-be) queue to pay our individual bills, one of us (a bit tipsy and arguing in favour of a particular taxi service due to their nominal costs): ---- taxis will go at 10 km per hour.....
Rest of us within earshot: Huh??

Having done the maths, we divided into groups, got into cabs like good children and came back without any further "mishaps".

As an aside, dunkings were good successes last night. After the birthday boy and girl, their quaddies and study-group mates were dunked, the remaining 6-7 of us dunked ourselves in good spirit. With that, I opened my dunking account in ISB...

A home away from home

It has been barely more than a week since I reached ISB, and I honestly have to think hard to remember all that happened here - only because a lot has been happening!

To begin at the beginning, registration on April 11th sapped me out of all my energy. Every counter (loan, medical insurance, etc etc) was characterised by a long serpentine queue of hapless and lost souls. For a batch of 570-odd people, we learnt quite early that queues would be an inevitable part of our experience. Add to that my extreme discomfort in Hyderabad summer. (I must be 4 shades darker already and 2 inches lesser due to dehydration). Luckily for me, I had already got my education loan sanctioned earlier by arriving in Hyderabad in advance just for that purpose. After my parents left for Bangalore that evening, I relaxed a bit in my room. I have 3 house-mates in a 4-bedroom "quad". We, then, made our way to be addressed by our Dean. Dinner, of course, followed. The grind began the day after.

Our Orientation week or O-week was jam-packed to facilitate a lot of interaction within people of our batch and the alums. We started off with a treasure hunt to enable us to know every nook and corner of the campus. We were teamed with our study-group mates and the corresponding group of another section. I had to "retire hurt" midway through this because of my bad leg. :( I, then, got bored out of mind while the rest of the group was running about figuring out the clues, until I got a major brainwave and landed myself in front of a internet-enabled computer in the lab! :D The treasure hunt ended with a customary dunk in the pool - which I missed, of course.

I'm a bit fuzzy on the actual order of events, but I do remember a lot of formal presentations by the professional and social clubs followed by informal sessions. More than anything else, these sessions instilled the discipline in me to be able to sit in one place for a considerably long time. Having spent a long time away from academics, this was one skill I had to re-learn. We also had a team-building event spanning a whole day. It was professionally organised and every "game" was designed in a way to provide entertainment and a deeper lesson towards working as a team. It was a novel way of introducing team-work in a new set of people who hardly know each other.

Somewhere along the way, we were divided into sections, as well. I am in the brand new G section. We had a Talent Nite towards the end of O-week which was, basically, an inter-section competition. I am being very modest, but section G did put up a really original and awesome show. We even had an original song (created and composed by some of the more talented amongst us). During this night, we also realised how our alums took our trip - first with an SV change request form and then with a supposed psychometric test. The video recordings were hilarious! Hats off to them!

Did I forget to mention the parties? We have had 3 official parties until now, already - with so many other random parties (SV party, poker party, etc). I must say that we do know how to bring about balance in our lives. As our alums advised us - Work hard, Play harder - seems to be the motto.

ISB - The place to be!

Yes, it has officially and formally begun. I'm not lying - we had a terrific party last night to prove it :D

I am a bit e-challenged right now coz my Macbook is being configured by the IT department of my school. But, worry not - you shall be loaded with the relevant details soon. Until then, I'll leave you with the trivia that I am in SV3 (Student Village 3) - the coolest one. I assert this statement so blatantly because no one I know has refuted it vociferously till now. It seems like they all already had that opinion. :P

I lowwwe* Bangalore!

* to be pronounced the way some South Indians say "love"

I have been using this statement quite often recently (pronunciation et al). Adding to the fact that I am now happily at home, Bangalore's weather is a treat. No, really! So, it is March and the middle of a supposedly punishing summer, right? Today, I went out with my sister on my much-weathered Scooty and we were enjoying the sight of swaying Gulmohar trees on a cloudy afternoon. After a beautiful sunset, it also rained here, complete with the nice earthy smell before the pitter-patter of raindrops and lightning! What else can I say - I lowwwe Bangalore!

Yet another phrase I seem to have caught on to is "I likes!" - with that 's'. I use it to express my hearty approval for a varied assortment of things - books, news, chakli (a sort of goodie that comes within the snack category), you-name-it.

Today, while my sister and I were patiently abiding our time at a crossroad's traffic signal (it took us 3 'red's to get to the particular 'green' to make our escape from that part of the world), we saw the bus that connects our home to the heart of the city on the other lane. With squeals of excitement we pondered over the feasibility of leaving our Scooty parked there and crossing the road to run behind the bus, as we used to during our school years. Just the fact that we saw that bus justified such an action - at one time, that reaction was hard-wired in us. Of course we didn't do any such thing. Instead, we started recounting our adventures with this particular route's bus in such animation and good spirit, that all our grumpy neighbours at the traffic signal were wearing smiles when that light finally turned 'green'.

Like the time when we school children (note the classification of passengers made here - big school bags automatically reduced our standing in the order of priority) would try to cheat our way into an empty bus at the terminus when it had just offloaded one set of passengers - only to get that coveted spot behind the driver. We didn't even want a seat then, we weren't so greedy. And then, there were those sadistic drivers who would scold us out of the bus and then drive over a kilometre away to the rightful platform, thinking that running all that way with our heavy schoolbags only to find a fully loaded bus would be punishment enough for us!

The "platform" initiated other memories - of the buses docking in on either sides of the platform. This was when the people who are quick on their feet would win the battle. Since the terminus is huge and there were loads of buses standing there, vertically challenged passengers could not really spot their ride coming in to gain the advantage of time. My sister laughed about the way she would keep an eye on the "regular" passengers as well, so as to read their body language in case they sighted the bus arriving on the other side of the platform.

We also spoke about how some drivers would remove the board of the bus (informing the number and route) before arriving at the platform - just to make life a little more challenging for the hapless passengers. They thought that this strategy would save them and their bus from the mad rush of a swirling human tide from trying to get into their precious buses. Alas! It never worked in their favour. In fact, the effect was the opposite as people intending to board other buses, which were running late, would compete to board this bus in the vain hope that this was it! They were only human - optimism and hope was all they had at that time. I reminded my sister of the numerous times I would run to check the board of such a bus when the driver would turn the engine on - you can only imagine how alert we had to be for any last-minute changes in destination and intent of the drivers.

All this fond nostalgia led us to be thankful for our respective two-wheelers, which, when they were given to us by our parents, provided us with a freedom and independence we savoured and cherished for many years. Standing at that traffic signal, we reiterated our gratitude to the turn of events in our lives which increasingly reduced our dependence on Bangalore's public transport. As I accelerated beyond the crossroad, we both wondered if things have changed since then. We hope so (we are human too) and would love to find out. ;)

Words Unsaid

Switching on the lights at home
Her thoughts wandered to them -
Her family - Whose love stayed with her as a strength
and infact everything from that love did stem.

She sighed and then remembered her friends.
Glancing at the time,
A small mischievous smile played on her lips.
Growing up, they were all her partners in crime.

Kicking off her shoes and throwing away the bag,
On the couch she sprawled.
Would he be thinking of her? Would he remember
The night when, for him, she was all dolled?

The day had been tiring and long.
As if to lighten the load, a lone tear was shed.
Outside, the shadows lengthened and night fell softly.
Inside, a million words were left unsaid.

Homing in!

This is the last part of my "pre-MBA experience", as it is called.

Stage 6: ISB
I must have begun considering ISB seriously only after exploring its website and reading up alumni opinions on it. By the end of June, ISB's PGPM had overtaken IIM-A's equivalent program in my opinion. IIM-A was still on my list though - "sentimental" reasons ;)

After working on IMD's essays, I had about 3 weeks to go for the Round-1 deadline for ISB... and I hadn't even started with my application! To add to my woes, most people I spoke to suggested that I give another attempt at GMAT because 690 was too low a score for an IT professional applying to ISB. They, of course, tried to put it as politely as they could. So I did just that with disastrous results. There I was - with my confidence in tatters and my desire to make it into ISB stronger. There was nothing to it but apply with the best I had in me. I wrote the essays within 2 weeks and by the time I got them reviewed and ensured that my recommendations were submitted by the concerned people, it was 9:30 pm of the day before the deadline. To keep the excitement in my life, the server collapsed and I couldn't submit my application until many anxious minutes later during which thoughts like "Is this a sign?", "Should I opt for submitting the application for Round-2?" and "Maybe another attempt at GMAT can turn favourable?" played havoc. Finally, I decided that I was ready to submit my application then. If one GMAT score mattered so much, maybe ISB wouldn't be all that it is hyped to be. So, as soon as the server came up, I hit the submit button, thus eliminating any chances of surrendering to self-doubt again.

The IMD interview happened a week later. After that, I began following the thread on the Pagalguy forum. Obviously, I couldn't read all the posts from the beginning (there were about 350 pages by then) but I followed the posts diligently from then on. The panic when the interview calls were being sent out was almost catching. But if you remember, my confidence levels were not too high and neither were my expectations. I was almost detached while reading the posts, almost sure that I may not get a call. Imagine my surprise when I got the interview call! All was not lost yet... I began preparing for the interview with renewed enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, my family started getting more excited about ISB than me. It was afterall the only school in India I was applying seriously to. An admit from here meant that I would be returning home. Anything else, to them, meant that I might never go back to India for good. So, while I was battling with the butterflies in my stomach, I had to appear nonchalant on the phone calls - "This isn't the only option, Mamma. I will be applying to other schools as well and you know that." And both of us knew why I said what I did.

By then, on the PG thread, people had posted their interview experiences. Some people had a completely unambiguous interview - the panel was impressed, the questions were in a direction decided by the applicant and finally, the closing remarks by the panel were very encouraging. Being an international applicant, my interview was among the last ones. There was something funny, though. I got scheduled twice - once on a Friday afternoon and then again on the following Monday morning. The second schedule was sent to me after I had confirmed my availability for the first. I remember calling the admission committee from work. A very harassed lady received my call and when I introduced myself as an R1 applicant, I could almost sense the icicles forming on the other end of the line. Heheh. I think this was a result of all the calls from anxious applicants who had not yet received their interview calls. However, as soon as I explained my predicament, I was tagged as someone with a "real" issue and the voice became quite friendly. The confusion was sorted and I was to call in at the specified number on Monday morning for my interview.

The interview itself was one which gave me no clue about my chances. As with other telephonic interviews, mine started with the panel introducing themselves and then I was given the word "bank" - a minute to think about it and a minute to speak on it. I tried thinking but after the first 2 associations, I went blank. I could feel my throat constricting in panic and I decided to start talking on it immediately instead of psyching myself into a dumb state. Luckily, I found a third association while speaking and told them I had nothing more to say when I finished. After this, the first question I was asked was - "We've seen your application and don't find any special reason to take you into ISB. Can you convince us otherwise?" - the "Why you" question. I think I tackled it well enough, inspite of certain statements to contest my assertions. After that, the interview took a conversation-like appearance. They were curious about my employer and the way I got recruited here, the business my employer is in, the competition, the project I am working on, etc. Another panelist came in with a hypothetical case and asked me the sales impact on a particular product due to a certain condition imposed. I made my assumptions and estimations out aloud and came to a remarkably high sales impact! :P The panelist was shocked and asked me if that could be possible - he gave me a real analogy to prove his point. I made an impulsive decision to stick with my number and gave my justification by infusing some humour into it. They seemed convinced because they dropped the cross-questioning after that and the atmosphere relaxed. The topic veered to the kind of books I read and which were the last 6 books I had read. After mentioning 4, I blanked out again. I thought for a few seconds and then confessed that I don't remember any more at the moment. Then we spoke about what I do for recreation here and the fact that I speak a little French came up. My! Were they surprised! That caught me off-balance because I had mentioned it in my application and I didn't expect them not to know it already. So, we had a few minutes talk about exactly how much of the language I know and luckily, that is something that has many humourous accounts from my life. After a couple of questions from me, the interview ended. It lasted 25 minutes.

Then began the long wait for the results. I began looking up the other global schools I intended to apply to and started filling a couple of application forms. A week before the promised day of results, the PG thread started going ballistic - with random speculations that did nothing to calm the fluttering hearts reading the thread. I spent that week very listless at work. I looked like I had the worries of the whole world on my shoulder, didn't speak much to my colleagues and basically was a grouch. And then, finally, the results were published - and I started another interesting phase of my life. :)

... and the highway

This post is second in the series.

Stage 4: GMAT
I think I bought Kaplan in December 2007. Without really knowing about it, I had started off my preparation by buying the most difficult material. The "theory" and exercises in the book were alright enough, but the practice tests! - I used to go into a depression after attempting the practice tests! Only much later did I realise that I should not be taking the Kaplan scores as the Gospel truth about my preparation. My GMAT was scheduled in March, right before the Easter holidays. I scored a 660 in it (Q 48, V 33 - I think). I went to UK to visit my friends during Easter, which was a good thing. It helped me get over the disappointment of my score. My friends encouraged me to schedule the GMAT again since they were certain that I could do better than this. I came back from UK brimming with enthusiasm and determination - although I couldn't really get back to studying until much after that. Work became taxing and then, it was spring. :) I love spring. There are music festivals here and I went on so many roadtrips - it was awesome. Anyway, coming back to the serious stuff, my GMAT preparation never really took off again. I bought the OG 11, but looked through it very half-heartedly. Some time in July, I attempted GMAT again and scored slightly better at 690 (Q - 48, V - 35). Somewhere around this time, I ensured that I contacted and spoke to the people who I would approach for the recommendations. It was important that they knew about this and my ambitions in advance.

Stage 5: The IMD experience
Now that I had the requisite criteria to appear for a one-year program in India (ie I would be 27 by the time I start the program and I would have stayed abroad for 3 years), in my research for the right B-schools to apply to, IIM-A was a given. Honestly, at that time, ISB was something I was thinking of only because it was Indian and reputed. I had not really found out anything about it, the way I did for IMD, Lausanne.

Lausanne is only about 80 km away from Geneva. So, it was a matter of convenience for me to go on a campus visit to IMD in August 2008. We were about 8 visitors to the school that day. The campus is very unlike the campuses in India, in that it is smaller. The MBA program at IMD was just one of its programs - the bread and butter comes from their EMBA program and corporate programs. However, what impressed me was the synergy between the companies and the school. The infrastructure was not dazzling but it was sufficient. I liked the concept of the class size being kept constant at 90. Compared to this, INSEAD (France) seemed a little bigger - where the potential of being lost in the crowd is higher. I came back from the campus visit highly impressed. But I knew that it would be a marketing strategy ;) and so I approached a person working in my company who is an alumnus of IMD. I'll call him T.

T was very helpful. First, he tried to see if IMD and I "fit" together. He explained to me how important this "fit" is. You have to be an advantage to the school, the way the school will be an advantage to you. Don't apply to a school in desperation or just because an MBA from anywhere will do. Find out exactly what are the principles driving the school. Look at the previous performance of the school - which industry favours it, where are the alumni based, what was the placement record, was your "dream job" offered regularly in the past. When I started with the application form of IMD, I contacted him again - "Would he please read my essays and give me some feedback?". The IMD essays were traumatic. I had to write 13 essays! Of course they had character limit and of course they asked you everything about your life! When T reviewed them, he was brutal. For some of them, he laughed at me outright! (Hmph! I still can't decide whether to find him obnoxiously conceited or graciously helpful!) Apart from him, I asked a few of my friends to review the essays, too. Finally, after all the feedback, I edited my essays and managed to submit my application right before the last deadline - September 1st 2008.

Two weeks later, I was invited for the interview. Now, interview at IMD is a slightly different affair - it is a day-long affair, to be exact. I was sent a case by mail when I confirmed that I would be available for the interview. When I showed up at IMD, there were probably another 7 people there - each from different walks of life. One was a marketing manager from Russia while another was a programmer from Brazil. If I had to give marks for diversity of the candidate pool, IMD would have scored big time. Anyway, we were taken to a room. Two of us were escorted for our interviews, while the remaining were given a sheet with mini-cases. We had to choose the one we liked and make a presentation on it. We were given the markers and transperancies. They gave us half an hour to do that. After this, I had 15 minutes of break followed by the "long" interview. It was taken by one of the admission committee seniors. This interview was mainly probing. In a very subtle way, they wanted to know the usual questions - why MBA, why IMD, why now. Apart from these questions, they wanted to know my background, how did I come to be here (in Switzerland), what's my work like. Now that I think about it, I think I fumbled many times during this interview. I took it too casually.

The interview was followed by another "short" one where I remember being asked if I had enough funds to make the first payment if I was offered a seat. This interview was supposed to inform the candidate about the living costs here, etc. Since, I already had an idea about that, the session didn't take too long for me. After this, we all had a lunch break, where each of us was "hosted" by a current student. We could ask them a lot of questions about the curriculum, the placements, the Discovery expeditions, etc. My host and I got talking and we forgot about the time - I had to gulp my dessert down and run for the next session of the interview day - which was the case study part.

First, each of us got the chance to present our mini-case. We had discussions after each presentation. Then we were told to agree on one mini-case and present it as a group. Having done that, after the usual round of questions, we took a break. This was finally followed by the main case study. We had a faculty member presiding over the discussion - a very humble and humourous man, but very very good at what he does. His task was to get all of us on one page about the case. Then, we were divided into two groups, told to bundle off and discuss our "solution" and then come back and present it. Finally, it was over. The director of the program came by to have a few words with us. IMD had just been ranked #1 by the Economist and they were justly proud.

When I finally left IMD, it was 5 pm. The day had begun at 8 am and there wasn't an instant where we were allowed to relax. As I drove back to my friend's place for the weekend, I thought that given the kind of experience and backgrounds of the other candidates and current students, IMD was probably not the right "fit" for me.

The Road Less Travelled

or something like that :)

This post is the first part of a summary of all my relevant experiences until now - related to my quest for an MBA.

Stage 1: The vague idea
It was probably during the last years of my engineering program when I decided that I could, in fact, enjoy management more than the technical equation of life. This realisation dawned upon me partly due to the various committees I was involved in during fests and partly due to the slight lack of inspiration towards the curriculum. Dutifully, I attempted my CAT in 2002, ending up with a decent enough score for the first attempt. However, I lost out on DI and was assured of no call-backs that year. I realised almost at the same time that without some work experience, the program would not really make much sense. So, I went ahead with my first job, putting the idea of an MBA at the back of my mind. I promised myself that 2 years from then, I would do a revaluation of the whole idea and its relevance in my life at that time.

Stage 2: A certainty
Fast forward to 2 years later. I was working and was, at that time, pretty happy with the job and its challenges. However, as promised, I paused to rethink. Now, more than ever, I knew that I would not be doing something technical at 30. I wanted to move to the management side of the industry. I had 2 options - work hard and patiently wait for recognitions which might aid the transition (notice the various factors at play in this option) or invest in the master's to be on the fasttrack towards what I wanted. A lot of discussions and thought into the matter convinced me to opt for the latter option. I prepared for CAT this time and applied only to the IIMs. It wasn't that I was overconfident and obstinate about it. :) Yet again, I was practical enough to realise that I was not really ready. CAT 2004 was a dry-run - something to help me judge myself. I needed to know how much more was required from me. This time, the verbal section held me up. So, now, after the results were declared, I knew I had to work on both, the quant and the verbal. I spent the next few months with quite a busy schedule - work taking almost 14 hours a day and studying in the weekends.

I took a month off before CAT 2005 - I just didn't want anything to disturb me during that time. And as is usual in such cases, just about everything did! :) There was a medical complication in the immediate family and I finally received an opportunity to go on-site (the famous "on-site" for the IT crowd) for long term within that one month. I refused the opportunity after a lot of deliberation - it just didn't seem worth it. My boss was not really expecting that response and I almost received a veiled threat that I would not be considered for any more of such "opportunities" since I refused this one. "Too bad", I thought. "Time to look for another job after CAT". A week before D-day, however, he called me again - this time with another "opportunity". The "on-site" this time was at the client HQ, to do the kind of work that I always wanted to do. You don't know how confusing it all became. I really really really wanted this experience, but the time was right for an MBA. I was prepared for CAT. I had applied to the institutes I wanted to apply to and I was confident. Then again, I just distanced myself from the immediate situation and thought ahead. I decided that the experience was worth postponing my MBA dream for a while. "Soon", I promised myself. I went ahead with CAT 2005 however and thought I had the most difficult test in the world! I was sure that I didn't perform well and secretly was glad that I had another viable option in my life at that time. I left for Switzerland as 2006 began and about a month later received the much-awaited calls. Sigh! There I was again - torn between a professional commitment and a personal dream. There was nothing to do but let one pass - I continued working on my assignment.

Stage 3: Disillusionment and desperation
15 months into the assignment and life was slowly getting all too predictable. As I saw it, the fact that I was at client location made it even tougher for recognitions to come my way. After all, wasn't I being rewarded enough by working there? The trade-off did not look all that tempting anymore. I was homesick and worked to the bone. It was time to do something drastic to get my life back on track. It was time to go home. I timed it so that I could get back to India, settle down and prepare for CAT 2007. This time I also thought about GMAT. I wanted to apply to ISB and the international B-schools as well. But life had other plans. Before I knew it, I was back in Switzerland with another job.

That winter I tried to explore options for a part-time MBA in Geneva and the surrounding region. I spoke to my manager about the possibility of my leaving earlier a few days of the week. I had spoken about my plans to do an MBA during my interviews with this company. So, I was confident about being supported by them. However, after sitting in at few of the classes, I was discouraged. The level of detail that I expected from the program was missing. The part-time program had not enough time to dedicate to each case - and of course, the pre-reads were relatively enormous! What now?? It had to be a full-time program for me. So, I was back at my books and began researching.

A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.

Finally, I could take it no longer! So here's a post clarifying the mystery. For the clueless, Reetu / Ritu means season.

My name is Reetu. It says so on my passport and on all my valid documents which could pass as various forms of proofs of identity in many countries. This is thanks to the lady who was registering me as a 4-year old into the school records. I imagine the conversation to have been something like this:
Lady (in a bored voice): So, what's the little angel's name?
Dad: Ritu
Lady: Huh?
Dad (and this is probably what he shouldn't have done): Ri-tu
Lady: Ah! Ok!

And so, amidst smiles and general feelings of a job well done, I was registered as Reetu. When we realised the mistake and tried to change it, we were politely informed that we would have the chance when I appeared for my board exams (which would be about 11 years later from the unfortunate mishap). And don't you think that 11 years is enough time to get used to something? :) Besides, I just had to ensure that I signed as "Reetu" while my family and close friends continued to call me "Ritu". Finally, when the time came, we realised that it was just too much trouble - petitioning to a court, announcing in the newspapers apart from all the paperwork involved. I decided that I could live with "Reetu" - it meant the same thing and moreover, it was a part of my identity now.

Doesn't make much of a difference really.

My two cents

I am going to be writing for a long time - that explains the bottle of juice and chips by my side. I have a lot to say and bring you up to speed on. And it is going to be in random order again and I shall digress often - because I have a lot of time on hand. :)

Now that the disclaimers and warnings are out of the way, I can tell you that it is Friday evening and I am tired to the bone. One of my friends is going back to India for a vacation tomorrow and two of us volunteered to help her pack and check-in tonight. Let me just say that her baggage exceeded the limit so remarkably that getting to the airport was a hilarious struggle. The suitcase decided our speed and direction of walking. Once at the counter, when we realised that it would not be accepted "as-is", we began the rigamarole of unpacking, removing stuff, packing, weighing. The iteration was repeated twice before the extremely nice and polite lady at the counter was satisfied, while I was dehydrated by the end of it. And before this, I had to run for the bus today. I decided to sell my car and it is now at the garage. So, my experience with the public transport began again. After work, as I was picking my way on the heavily frosted road to the bus stop, I squinted far ahead to see the bus on its way. I was about half a kilometre away from the stop and I took the decision to run for it. As an aside, I think people run fastest for the bus and the train. In fact, if someday I want to compete in a sprint, I am going to visualise a bus "just there" near the finishing line. Invariably, the bus reached the stop much before me. Thankfully the driver also must have squinted into the darkness to see a small compact mass of denser darkness moving swiftly towards the bus and must have correctly guessed it to be a passenger. And he waited... Bless his soul! And thus, I am really really tired...

I have been conspicuously silent on the Mumbai terror attacks, famously termed as the 26/11 by the media. (If they had to copy the logic of 9/11 completely, it should have been 11/26, but I digress again...) As mentioned before, I try to post only when I begin thinking objectively about the subject. The nature of this subject, however, was such that I could not really think objectively about it for a long long time. Enough has been written already on it - the audacity of the terrorists, the heroism of the common people who worked with what they had - their presence of mind being the most effective, the lop-sided sensationalisation of the media who kind of "forgot" to cover the story at VT where the poorer Indians travelling by trains lost their lives, the heavily under-armed Mumbai police trying to control the situation with fisticuffs (Yes, they captured the lone surviving terrorist at a checkpost after a raw physical fight). As with any crisis, the best and worst of human nature was showcased. Politicians appeared to be tripping over each other to commit gaffes, only showing how starkly disconnected they were from the public sentiment, while the saviours of the day got into the BEST buses to go back to their barracks, self-effacing and gracious - only saying things like "Hamesha, jab bhi zaroorat pade, kadam-kadam pe milte rahenge" ( Always, whenever needed, we'll be there ), "We just did our duty".

So, what now? Are all the other Indians doing their duty? After a million talk-shows and "this ought to be done"s, I really don't see anyone feeling any safer in India. Our wonderful government decided to go on a "diplomatic offensive" to try and garner international support against the "friendly" neighbour who seems to be heavily embroiled in this mess. The attacks sealed the fate of the home minister who had to step down dishonourably (I am not sure if that is an apt word for an Indian politician) to give way to someone who was a performer in quite another area. The old trick of stalling has worked again, while Indians slowly get busy with their daily life and demands for accountability grow far and in between. All said and done, the US, having lost 6 of its valuable citizens, seems a little more on the offensive than India who lost more than 150 of her children. Why? Are Indian lives cheaper? I don't understand this. Even today, the news of 3 Indians taken hostages by Somalian pirates was tucked away in a nondescript corner of a major Indian online news journal. Why? Why don't we value our lives enough to raise a hue and cry about such injustices being meted out to us? What is wrong with us?

!A deep breath later! Apparently, I still can not be emotionally detached on this topic. :) Maybe we don't appreciate each other enough. I mean, we don't even value labour equally. Try going to a restaurant in an international location and give an order without saying "Thank you" or "Please". You would be considered rude, not only by the people who wait on you, but also by the others around you. Then, why don't we do this in India? We give the order, sometimes even say "Thank you" - but would it hurt to look the waiter in the eye and smile while thanking him? I was in Bhopal last summer. There was a small kiraana shop (a shop around the corner) where I went to recharge the credit on my mobile. It was a hot afternoon, the old shopkeeper was in a foul mood. I paid for the credit and when I received the confirmation by sms, I smiled, thanked him and left the shop. That guy treated me as a special customer after that - getting his assistant to get me a chair to wait while he was busy with another customer, calling me "beti" (daughter) and things like that. And it was because I smiled and thanked him, always. Anyway, I digress again. My point is that we don't value each other equally. Once we change that, no one can hurt one of us and get away with it so easily.

I went home for Christmas. :) My niece, Nishttha, had started trying to crawl on her fours (Now, she's good at it and has started standing up by herself, holding on to something sturdy). One night, she was in the mood to play and stayed up with her aunt until 2 am. It was comical when she finally began feeling sleepy - she kept trying to remove a pattern from the bedspread for about 20 minutes, took a deep breath, looked around and after some unintelligible words to me, fell onto her side - asleep. :D The first week at home was bliss. If someone left me unattended for 10 minutes, I used to fall asleep (but not quite the same way as I just described Nishttha do). I met up with my friends from Satyam. One of them, Sudhi, was married already while another, Usman, got engaged right before I left. This leaves only 3 of us from the group who are still single - the three stooges :D Although, I am almost sure that the social status of the other two guys is going to change soon. I saw the movie - Ghajini. The movie itself was not so great, but I loved the experience of watching it on the big screen - with hoots and whistles whenever Aamir made an "appearance". Heheh. I so regret not being able to wolf-whistle. I met one of my college friends too - probably after 2 years. It was nice meeting him :) Then, I also managed to have coffee with some of the Bangalore-based future classmates of mine. The meet-up was alright but maybe I had had a long day and I was a little out of sorts - I did invite a "And why are you so quiet?" from them :D Well, they'll know just how much I talk over the next year...

Talking about ISB, we have already started the "networking" thing. The mails and then some more mails from the group keeps me quite busy. I am honing my skills of selective absorption. :D Apparently, ISB student culture has spam-mails as an integral part of life - the closer the end-term exams, the higher the mail exchange within a whole class of students. So, I am hoping that this new skill will be well-utilised. By the way, I must ask someone if "my two cents" has been adopted as the phrase of the year by my class. I seem to have missed the announcement and suspect that it is so because only this would justify the abuse of the phrase in our mails. ;) (I know you guys are reading this :D)

My post has finally come to an end and it is not because I am done saying what I wanted to, but because it is late and I want to sleep. I'll continue this post another time. Don't wait for it. :)

Song of the day: I'm yours by Jason Mraz

The Fall into Disgrace

The Satyam fiasco. A nightmare that can't be wished away.

For the uninitiated, you can find here the scanned copy of a confession that might change a lot in the way business is done in corporate India. This is being termed as India's Enron - a dubious honour we could do without.

Under the arc-lights of media frenzy and mass hysteria, a great Indian dream is biting the dust. As an ex-Satyamite, I was proud of that company. All its accomplishments, were also mine and vice-versa. Of course, I had my frustrations with the HR, the middle-level management and so many other things that irked, but never was I ashamed of being a Satyamite.

It was the first company I started my career with, grew with for 3.5 years and where I made some lifelong friendships. I looked up to Ramalinga Raju - I had met him once when he came over to Vevey for a management meeting with Nestlé and then had the time to sit with our team here, and just talk. A soft-spoken humble man. Rama Raju was present when I received my first client appreciation certificate. So many memories - mostly pleasant.

And today, the man is being made out to be a monster on the TV screens. All the shady dealings are under scrutiny - by people who must have been bribed to pass those aforesaid dealings. His confession letter gives the image of him locking himself up in a room to edit the balance sheet. That just can't be right. There had to be others in the know although the buck stopped with him. All those individuals should be punished. I remember harsh HR repurcussions on associates who failed their BG checks. These "corporate honchos" should suffer the same indignity. Time will show how accountable the investors would make these individuals for destroying so much of value.

Write it down as wishful thinking, but for the sake of all the stakeholders, my investments (time and money) into this company, and for the sake of many of my friends who are still there, trying to come to terms with the sudden uncertainty in their lives through no fault of theirs, I wish Satyam, the company, manages to ride this wave. It would have to start with a clean slate again and maybe with twice the effort to salvage the situation and reputation, but then which honest Indian is afraid of hard work?